Because you have to!!!

Confused?

You will be. I know I am. Reading this may make you none the wiser but at least you tried. Being born and having grown up in the western society but also lucky enough to have lived my life in other parts of the world like India, I see things with a wide angle lens. Does that make it any easier to understand? Definitely does not.

I am talking about the constant battle that the South Asian parents have trying to get their children to follow certain traditions. Why is that so difficult you ask, as we are all proud of the rich cultural inheritance we have being Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, etc? It isn’t difficult as we are educated enough to read and research our backgrounds to carry forward who we are.

What am I ranting and raving on about then, I am talking about all the things we are asked to do and follow in the name of religion, culture, language even geographic variables without any logical explanation. When I ask why I have to do this, because you have to or don’t be so western are some of the answers we receive. Such incidents are very visible around wedding times. We can all agree that a marriage is the coming together of two individuals, souls, etc. Whether it is a conspiracy by the government or not is another debate all together. However marriage usually leads to children and the world carrying on.

I was lucky enough to get married twice, (to the same person I better declare before she reads this). One was the court marriage that took place in a Chapel in Canada. The second was the traditional Sikh wedding. I’d never been to a chapel wedding before but it was the most peaceful and joyous day spent with some wonderful and close friends of choice. I had been to many Sikh weddings being a Sikh, but when the wedding preparations started, so did my confusion. I will also tell you how to deal with this a little later. Why would this lead to confusion you’re wondering, well from every step since we decided to have the wedding nothing was ours to decide any further. It was all down to what people will say or because I have to.

The wedding day arrives and you are marched around to be ready on time, which you are but nobody else is. The wedding is taking place and all your loved ones and siblings are running around making sure the party is all set and seeing to people you do not recognize. Even when they ask you, “Do you know who I am?”

No because I’ve never seen you and my parents haven’t told me as they have been too busy working so they could spend all their life savings on my wedding. Ignoring the fact I just wanted a small affair. Why must we South Asians spend so much just to show the people we never see? A wedding is like a second mortgage and then some, but you do it because you have to. Here is a small list of other things we have to do, as I couldn’t possibly cover them all:

1) The giving and taking of clothes (usually the same one’s that are passed around)

2) The inviting of people your parents haven’t spoken to in your entire life time

3) Flowing alcohol (which is fine if you drink yourself and in moderation but why to the point that there is a fight and nobody remembers anything)

4) The throwing of money when we can just hand it to the people collecting it

5) Photographing all individuals giving money numerous times, feeding cake, giving blessings in the Gurudwara, etc.

6) Worth mentioning again, spending enough to feed a starving nation to cater for people that don’t even wish to be there.

I could carry on, but I am not just writing about the wedding traditions. I am trying to draw attention to the traditions we follow throughout the South Asian community simply because this is the way we have always done it. However somewhere down the years we have forgotten why things were done in a certain way and now follow it blindly. Even that wouldn’t be such a problem if everybody was following the same path, but you can ask four different aunties and get four different replies to the same question.

I believe these are small things that make a big difference to our lives and special days, if our elders could explain exactly why we do certain things it would be fine, but when nobody knows and everybody is expected to follow, I am sorry I can’t do it just because you have to……