Part-Time Family Man

Family

A word that brings a lot of emotions to most people. Family being the oldest and ever evolving organisation/institute the world has to offer. Through my years I have been with and away from family due to life choices, dreams and aspirations or simply being sent away for discipline as a child. The reason I am talking about family is because I have spent this long weekend with a lot of family members. As is usually the case at weddings we meet long lost friends, cousins, uncles and aunts. A lot of people you grew up with, spent countless hours playing, fighting, laughing, crying, dreaming and mostly being told off for all of the above. Seeing everybody who have been part of your formative life is a mixed bag of feelings, for me it is always a good feeling. The only slightly bad (if I can call it that) feeling I get is why I don't make an effort to see these wonderful family members more. That seems to be true for all of them, whether its the ones I know or the new additions either born in to our slightly eccentric but loving family or married into it. Either way there is always a feeling of belonging (something I don't have much of anywhere in the world, yet I feel it everywhere too). 

Something a cousin much younger to me said has really made me question myself. I as a person, am always only a phone call away for one and all should they need me. I hope people know that as well as they feel it when they're actually with me.

However once I am away I tend not to call much. The main reason for this being, not wanting to intrude or bother people who have their own busy lives to lead. I am not sure why I feel I might be bothering them as in person I am assured I wouldn't be. Due to this feeling I only see the people I love and care for deeply at either weddings or funerals. I suppose this would be true for most people and a lot of you may actually feel this way too. However something a much younger cousin said to me has really made me wonder about how much effort I really put into being the wonderful family member I think I am perceived to be, if only in my own head. This wonderful little person although now a young adult is my cousin sister who is half my age. When she was even younger I spent time and energy to be a part of her life. I suppose being away from family a lot in my childhood made the bond with her stronger. I moved away after a few years then eventually left the country and this weekend gave me the chance to see my little sister again. The first day I wasn't even sure if she remembered who I was but on the second day as she spoke about when I used to be there and how much fun it was. I was astonished she still remembered all the little fun incidents and games we played. When I remarked I am surprised you remember and how much fun it was, her reply is still ringing in my head two days later on a train journey as I watch the world go by. She agreed it was a lot of fun but why didn't I come back for 8years. 

I have no answer to that question and nothing to blame it on but myself. If I wasn't there in person, I could have called, emailed and I am sure I could have been there more too. I am always pleasantly moved when friends and family call, so why do I feel like I would be intruding or bothering them if I called them. Is it just my way of being lazy, is it just me who feels this way... And why did it take my little sister who really is half my age to make me realise this.

I also met other family members, some of who I have not known for a long time but yet still feel a warm and strong bond with. The one emotion I feel for all people I know is protective.
Another conversation with some other cousins where I confessed I feel we should all see each other more and finally take a step to do that makes me hope I and others reading this (yes you, both of you) will make more of an effort to be part of lives that are interwined with ours through family. If we can hold ourselves together, we maybe able to hold our friends and families together, if our families are together than our societies and the world maybe able to live in peace together. 

Make that call, send that email you really want to, after all you are family.

Or should I wait till tomorrow... yeah maybe... don't want to bother them this late.

Days on Earth

The other day I woke up with the urge to know how many days I have spent on Earth. Now that doesn't mean I have left Earth at any moment, or at least not to my knowledge. I mean from the day I was born. As it was morning I thought I would just google a page which would just solve it for me, rather than figuring it out myself. Being a male I had other important things to figure out, like should I finally get up and urinate or can I hold it longer and increase my stamina to 4 hours. Of course I could. Even as I guy I can multi-task, hold it in while calculating life changing information like how many days I have been on Earth. Yes my male organs and my mind can work simultaneously... Shocked? 

Anyway getting back to the point, I found this site which gave me the exact number... I am not sure what I felt when I saw the figure... Apart from the need to urinate... Having done so, I thought I have come to the point where I am counting my days so to speak. I am not the kind of person to worry about end of life and other such insignificant issues as a human I should maybe think about. However out of control out of mind. Although that's not to say I am either out of control or for that matter, for those that think it, out of my mind. Well not in the sense that your thinking. I strongly believe in living out of your mind. We all view the world within the capacity that our mind allows us to, therefore everybody lives in their mind and that's their version of the world. Not necessarily true, false, good or bad just theirs. Hence to see the real world you need to be out of your mind. As nobody ever discovered anything worthwhile following the crowd, you just end up stepping in their shit. That they so kindly left behind to keep your feet firmly on the ground.

Now that we're clear on that front, let me get back to point. I am not sure why I find it so difficult to just get to the point, maybe because there isn't a singular point in life that can be arrived at without working through the bullshit. Anyway, the point is, that day was my 11,542nd day here amongst you all on Earth. I don't know if that's a lot in the scheme of things, but I realised it is a huge number when I further wondered about the moments in those 11,542 days that define me as a person. Moments that I truly lived as, arguably, God's highest creation in the chain, if u believe that kind of thing. However in 11,542 days my greatest moments can be counted on perhaps using the fingers of one hand... That makes me feel rather sad and pathetic about myself, I had 11,542 opportunities to do some good, ok maybe I can't count the beginning years as I was busy eating, sleeping and shitting. Oh hold on that's not really all that different from the rest of the years apart from having learnt how to clean my own shit up. As a member of the human race that's definitely progress. Still even if I only counted the last say 6000 days, I was only able to recollect perhaps 5 moments where I did something that positively changed some body's life for the better. Yes that's truly something to be ashamed of, lots of u may have more days you can remember being alive and not just another cog. I hope nobody has less, now on my 11,545th day alive I haven't managed to add to the moments that define me as a person. In my remaining days I hope to regain the innocence and freedom to live and love as a human where my compassion will allow others to do the same. 

P.S Now I must really go and urinate.....

The Key to Life

Now before I begin my rant and tell you all where the key is and how to use it let me ask you one question.


How many of you actually know where the lock is?

Huh... you say, but it is simple where is the lock of life that we as a race have spent almost an eternity searching for the key to life. Every second being is looking for the key, the answer. The answer to why we are here and what is our purpose as somebody has got us all believing that our life is about more than just eating, shitting and dying.

Very true indeed, it is about more. It is about owning the latest I phone, having the fastest car, owning the biggest house (which by the way nobody does anymore, the bank own everything but that’s another story, you’re simply renting your life from the bank) where was I... oh yeah having the most fashionable clothes, eating at the best restaurant and then if we have time from all this, shitting and eventually dying. Now for those of you that feel death is a morbid subject, you may want to reconsider reading further. As death is the only thing about life that can be guaranteed and the only certain truth. And for those of you that have already labelled me a twisted, deranged weirdo, in order to define yourself. I forgive you as I understand you need to measure your sanity against something and define who you are as oppose to who you are not...me. Whatever helps you sleep at night is fine by me.

However for the record I am not obsessed with death or even bothered about it as it is something I cannot control or avoid too many times, as was clearly illustrated in all The Final Destination films and for those of you that really didn’t see it coming, they went and did again in 3D. I am more passionate about living but I value your opinion none the less, the same way I value that sometimes the toilet will get blocked and you just have to put up with the shit a bit longer.

Anyway back to the key, lock and the answer to why. We all feel we need to find the answer to why we are here. But why do you need the answer, if I give you the answer will you drop everything you do and finally live in peace in The Little House on the Prairie with the white picket fences. No you won’t you will wake up tomorrow and do the same shit all over again and then moan at the end of the day how life use to be great. Which by the way you will say about today too in the future at some point, but why can’t you say life is great today rather waiting a year and then crying about the good old days. Same reason why you just can’t accept the fact that you are here rather than constantly asking why you’re here. I mean think about it, did you have a say about coming into this world, no you didn’t you are the result of somebody thinking that bumping ugly and have having a child will complete their life. But did you complete their life?

When you have absolutely no say in the fact that you exist and the bigger fact that at some point you will seize to exist, why the hell can you not accept that you just exist. No you need an answer and a goal, and answer you already know and a goal that once you reach will no longer be good enough for you. That’s why don’t set goals as they are just limits to what you can really achieve if you just lived passionately. You know exactly why your here and what you need to do, but you won’t do it as you don’t want to be left behind in the rat race of achievement. But what do you truly achieve, let’s face it, you come alone, you go alone, you come with nothing and eventually leave with nothing so what is it about making, building and acquiring all this shit that you kill yourself for when eventually it amounts to nothing.

If your still looking for the answer and the key, let me spell it out for you because if you haven’t got it by now it’s highly unlikely you’re going to anytime soon. So your goal is a simple one, take each day as it comes and your only aim every day is to be a better person than the previous day. That’s it, you’re only aim is to be the best, the kindest human being you possibly can be.

As for the key, I’ll point you towards the lock and you will find the key. The lock in life is you, you lock yourself in and away from what you should be doing either due to fear of failure or simply to fit in. Just accept that you simply are and how can you not fit in? We are all products of the same act that come and go in the same way. Change the way you perceive your problems, your achievements, your goals and your life and you will unlock the mystery of life. A simple question and you will believe me. You have been doing what you have and living the way you do all your life, the question is, has it worked for you. If the answer is yes, then you have the key and there is no lock and if the answer is no then there is no key and you are the lock.

Yamla Pagla Deewana - Official Trailer

The time I flew....

The time I wanted to fly... well that time was a few seconds ago... in fact that time is now. I’ve always wanted to fly, not just in a plane though (although I find freedom from self, when doing so, read previous blog). I have always wanted, wished, dreamt, yearned to be able to free fly.

Why?

I hear you ask. Well because most of us can’t, and ever since I was a child and I am sure there are plenty more people out there who thought the same at some point, I have wanted to fly. Now this is not an illusion of grandeur about wanting to be a superhero or saving the world, (although I am gonna do that too) this is just a wish I want for myself. Maybe I am delusional but I believe we have the ability (now I can’t prove this scientifically either) to fly but as we don’t really use or brain to its full capacity we simply walk, run or drive.

What would I do if I could fly?

I hear you ask. Yes I have the ability to hear things you’re not actually saying, noooooooooo... It’s not an illness I tell you it is in fact a superpower. Anyway I hear you, well if I could fly I would... well fly. What else do you think I would do, walk? It depends on how much energy it takes. As in we can run which is faster but we walk instead. Now I am sure you would burn more calories flying then running. (Yes and I do see those of you seriously contemplating taking up flying)

I am sure once I have flown; it will be a natural progression in to being a superhero and saving the world, in the stereotypical definition of saving the world. However it doesn’t take special abilities to save the world or superpowers. As we have the ability and power to destroy the world, so we definitely have the ability and power to save it too, all it takes is using a bit more of your brain than you already do. Sounds easy but I haven’t met many people who do it, use their brain I mean. If I gave you all the choice to save or destroy the world, I would like to believe that most of you would choose to save it. Why do I believe that, I am naive I guess. As I know through personal experience and self awareness we make the choices that are destroying the world every single day. We includes me too.

Why?

I hear you ask. Conditioning.... That’s why. You, I, your neighbour, your family, your partner, your teacher, your friend, your fantasy and even your end. Yes even the way we choose to live out our end is a conditioned way to, well shit on what we have been conditioned to shit over all our lives. Hence we are all conditioned to destroy the world. As I believe our world is in our head, I guess we’re conditioned to destroy our mind. This in the end is self defeating as we don’t use it in the first place. Now before you think I am raving lunatic (and let me tell you, I am) let me set one thing straight. I am not talking about saving the world with energy efficiency, saving resources and wiping your arse with recycled and reusable paper. That’s right, wipe each other’s arse and you will save the world. No not all that crap that we don’t seem to pay any attention to anyway (although we should) I am talking about saving yourself to save the world. Therefore, who is gonna save the world..... I am!!!

Huh?

I hear you wonder. Yes I can even hear what you are wondering. With all this hearing you would think I am a great listener, but no, I am a better talker as I like the sound of my own voice. Anyhow back to the task at hand, saving the world.

As I keep saying we live in our own heads, as in our own world, how do we save our own world? Firstly what does our conditioning force us to do, no it’s not as simple as it makes us selfish and worry only about ourselves. So if we all loved one another and held hands while we shitted in the fields we are on our way to saving mankind as we know it. That is not the answer (although if shitting in the fields while holding hands rocks your boat, then don’t let me stop you.) Our conditioning, from every institution known to mankind, conditions us to screw ourselves and be miserable. I mean think about it, why else would you have got this far into the blog?

In some innate, small part of your unused mind, you thought I was going to give you the answer to saving the world (although keep reading, because I am gonna giving you the answer, as soon as I stop confusing myself by reading what I’ve just written.) Why are you looking for answers, because no matter how strong the conditioning, we simply want to do what makes us happy. All though not many know what does make them happy, and it’s not good grades, marriage, great job, new car, your partner, sex (although it’s the only thing that does give the lucky ones that momentary feeling of satisfaction out of life.) None of the above is the answer.

The answer to all the questions, the answer to saving the world, yourself and your precious little unused mind is a simple little word that is hard to find in most of your lives. It’s passion. That is it, just passion. We are too busy setting goals and targets, finding a partner, finding a great job, finding the right house, finding God, or God knows what else, that we lose any passion for life. Life for most people is a chore, do well at school, get great grades, get into a great college, get great grades, get into a great job, get a great partner, have great children, put them in a great school.... and the bloody cycle, the packing line starts again. Why do we forget, what makes all things in life great is, passion. Passion for studying will get you great grades, passion for love will find you a great partner, and passion for your own life will make everything great. Where are those passionate people that lived and died for their country, for their love, for their families, for their friends? Where are those great souls that changed the world through their passion?

They’re all lost through conditioning that starts even before your born. Break free, fly free and fly with passion and you will land on your feet. Find the passion, find it for what you want to do. Find the passion for yourself. Find the passion for your body. Find the passion for your soul. Find the passion for your country. Simply find the passion for your fellow man and you will find the passion for this world. That is the passion that will save this world. Not money, not science, not technology, not religion, not the government, not even facebook, but passion. Passion will save the world. Live passionately and passion will even make you fly.

Our only goal in life should be to do what we want, passionately.
Setting any other goal is simply a limit to what you can achieve!www.youtube.com/user/arjunsatyakam

Learning English....

Well where do I start. I am currently living in the West Midlands (stop laughing) a place where they claim to speak English, (H)Owever it's English that even the English couldn't understand, they call it Black Country and they (h)ave no concept of H, or pretty much any other letter in the alphabet for that matter. Now this is in no way an attempt to put down or ridicule anybody who speaks Black Country but merely an observation that had me thinking about the English language.
They also seem to make up words: made up word on left and meaning on right:

Wench - Female
Suck - Sweet/ Candy
Cock - Kiddo / Sport type of thing

Now try saying would you like a sweet kiddo in Black country...
How rude

Back to the list

Duck - same as cock (huh)
Bab - Babe/Baby

That’s just the west Mids. I have been lucky enough to live in and grow up on three different continents and learn Different English in all three. I have to say the worst English is spoken in England. Owever that is the English it has been reduced to...

Now lets have a closer look at English itself. A language I have spoken most of life and taken for granted... It was not until I had to teach my son to read that I realised what a stupid concept of a language English really is to those of us that do not understand the concept behind why it is what it is... there are so many things that make no sense to me what so ever. For example

The concept of ch

this combination gives two sounds one found in church / chair and the other found in words like choir / character

now how do i tell a 4 yr old how we decide which sound it is... I don't know I just know that's what the word is. Taken for granted.

No I haven’t finished... although u may want to ang yourself right now anyway...never mind let me finish.


The same with c itself

it makes a see sound as well a k sound
or g it makes a gee sound as well a ga as in granite or geometry

how do we know which one

then we have those stupid silent letters k and p
knife pronounced nife or know
psychology pronounced sychology

how do we know when it is silent...we just take it for granted.


Then we have words like to and go why is one like 2 , shouldn't that make go sound like goo.

I am sure there are plenty of other things too (there's that stupid word again) but I going to or is that pronounced joinj to let u go now or goo now and let you all think about it... i do want an answer though, nobody has ever managed to explain why the language is the way it is. The only thing I can think of is the inability of the English (I am English too before you start) didn't have the ability to create a sufficient enough (oh yeah and gh makes a f sound) alphabet (and ph is f) as I was saying sufficient enough alphabet for support the actual words. 26 measly letters come on....

I wanna be God!!!

Now that I’ve managed to get a hit out on my name with the above title, let me explain what I am talking about. Hopefully I’ve got enough time to at least explain the statement to myself before I am hung drawn and quartered.

The idea of a God or Higher Power is a comforting and scary one all at the same time. Now before I continue I am not stating whether I do or do not believe. I am merely thinking out loud irrespective of my personal beliefs. As the whole idea is based on belief it has always been open to questions. Irrespective of whether you’re a raving lunatic believer or a raving lunatic non believer you will either take or not take responsibility for your own life. Then there is the question of destiny who writes it, is it based on fate, do we have free will. There are all these different branches of thought that come back to the following question.

Whether there is or isn’t a God, why do we as people still want to be God?

We spend every waking hour trying to shape, fix, make, change or influence everything around us. You can be a believer or not yet manage to blame everything and everyone around you, including God, for your life. Before embarking on anything in your life we hear a voice that tells us not to do it or to do it, however we let worldly influences i.e. parents, friends and spouses influence what we choose to do. There are certain things in life that I and everyone around me thought I would never do. I had seen the results on everybody around me. Guess what I did them and realised I was right in the first place. I was the God of my own destiny but I let my life take a different route to what I had originally planned. It was all well scripted then I decided to improvise. God must be totally alone as that must be the only way we can actually do exactly what we wish, without having to consider the other people involved.

We listen to fellow workers, spouses, bosses, political leaders so called religious leaders and even idiots tell us what is going to happen. How many times have listened to the person above you in some shape or form and you know they don’t have an ounce of your intelligence or charisma. Yes I hear you, far too many times. Some of you go through this every day. Does this mean you are more intelligent and charismatic or simply upset as it’s out of your control to change anything but God knows if you had the chance you could solve all the world’s problems?

That is exactly my point; we could all make the world a better place if everybody just listened to us, if you all just listened to me. We have no real reason to believe this apart from our ego, and our ego makes us wanna be God, without even realising. The moment we start tearing our hair out and thinking... Oh God if only I could just... what u really mean is, “I am God and could solve it all, but you are too stupid to let me take control.”

I do it every day; you all do it every day. However I have learnt that instead of changing the world by being a God to everyone else, I will simply live as I please making changes in myself that I want to see in the world.

“Break away the chains of mortality to find freedom; I will roam as I please for this whole world is my kingdom.” Arjun Singh Panam